A few weeks ago I read a book by Robin Sharma entitled “Who will Cry when you Die?”. What the book is about is the idea of leaving a legacy, of touching other people’s lives to the point that many will cry when we die.
Obviously we all expect our spouse to be the first to cry and linger in the “mourning mode” for as long as she is alive.
Now, Filipinos do cry when a dear loved one dies, but they don’t seem to LINGER in the “beating their breast” mode.
Why am I jumping to this conclusion?
Some 15 years ago I went to a Filipino funeral. Scenes of intense mourning characterized the funeral but, much to my surprise, few hours later, at the house of the bereaved couple some kind of “party” took place where food was served.
Filipinos extend their hospitality even in this avenue. Their culture seems to dictate that people who sympathize and visit be treated as house guests and an “outsider” can’t tell if he is at a wake or at a party.
This experience, as well as many others, seems to tell me that Filipinos, by and large, don’t “linger” in the “sadness mode”.
This inevitably leads me to ask myself the puzzling question: “will my Filipino wife cry should I die”.
Of course she will cry but how long will she stay in that mode? Probably shorter than the average Italian widow.
My next question is: “does it really matter?” Should I to all cost strive to leave an “extra” degree of legacy and fret over the fact that I need to put forth extra effort to get my Filipino wife to remember me for life and never consider the option of remarrying?
My answer to the question “will she cry when I die?” is: “I don’t know and it doesn’t really matter”.
Rather than viewing my wife as my own possession who is supposed to never remarry and be in a constant state of bereavement should I die (which is the result of being a taker vs a giver in the relationship) I endeavour to personally cultivate self-esteem and I look within for validation without demanding it on some other body.