The Importance of Operating from the Idea that a Relationship and Particularly an Interracial Intimate Relationship is not Here to make you Happy but to make you “Conscious”

A very powerful  idea that I’ve heard is that “a relationship is not here to make you happy but to make you conscious” (“The Power of Now” by Eckart Tolle).

An intimate relationship has no power to make up for the emotional lack that you are experiencing in your life, let alone an interracial relationship.

People can only create joy or turmoil around us, never within us. We are the only ones in charge of our emotions, we are the only ones responsible for how we direct the focus of our mind and whether we are happy or not depends exclusively on what we focus on.

We can choose to focus on what’s wrong or on what’s great with our lives and if we just cannot see anything great we can invest our mental energies in looking for solutions rather than dwelling more and more on our problems.

Happiness also depends on how we treat the present moment, on whether we are capable of fully enjoying a single moment or live in a constant state of uneasiness which is the result of viewing the present moment as an ‘obstacle to endure on the road to somewhere else”.

An intimate relationship is therefore  not  here to give us a state of happiness that we can only find within ourselves but to CHALLENGE us, to make us conscious.

Now a relationship with a Filipina, if we fully grasp and accept the idea that its purpose is to make us conscious instead of happy, can be one of the greatest forms of training to achieve higher levels of consciousness. As the book “Culture Shock Philippines” bluntly states: “cultural fatigue (that is typical of someone who experiences a prolonged exposure to the Filipino culture and lifestyle) is the physical and emotional exhaustion that invariably results from the infinite series of minute adjustments….for long-term survival in an alien culture” that require that one “demand of himself constant alterations in the style and content of his activity” and “it consumes an enormous amount of energy leaving the individual decidedly fatigued”. These words clearly convey the idea that a mixed-relationship is a huge challenge and it’s hard work but it can pay off immensely if you are willing to meet the challenge and turn your love-life into a spiritual and emotional practice.

It stands to reason, then, that if you are a person who needs a love-relationship to find the love, the happiness and the validation that only the ABILITY TO MANAGE YOUR INNER STATES CAN GIVE YOU, if you are currently sitting back and doing nothing to learn how to manage your emotions and are waiting for a special relationship to come along and ‘make you happy’, you’d better grasp the idea that an intimate relationship IS NOT HERE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY BUT TO MAKE YOU CONSCIOUS before you consider entering a relationship with a Filipina (or, for that matter, any love-relationship).

If you can’t make yourself happy no one can do it for you, let alone a mixed-relationship with a Filipina with it’s energy-consuming challenges. Remember that an intimate relationship is a place you go to give not to get, a place where you are supposed to project outward the joy and happiness that you already possess, not a place for emotionally starving people who try to steal someone else’s food.


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