How to Deal with “Hinanakit”

As I’ve already mentioned a few times, one of the characteristics of Filipinos is emotionalism. Filipinos are, by and large, more driven by their emotions than by intellect. One of the characteristics of emotional people is the tendency to either conjure up the past or fret over the future.

As I pointed out in my previous posts the bahala na and the isang kahig isang tuka mentalities seem to indicate that, by and large, Filipinos enjoy the present and don’t worry too much about the future.

However Filipinos seem to have a very strong tendency to ALLOW THE PAST TO AFFECT THEIR PRESENT BEHAVIOUR.

The utang na loob or debt of gratitude gets Filipinos to be eternally grateful to someone who did them a favor 20-30-40 years ago.

Another characteristic that seems to keep many Filipinos stuck in the past is that, in much the same way as they eternally hang on to feelings of gratitude toward another person, they can also hold a grudge for years or decades and allow hinanakit or resentment for something that happened years or decades before to affect their present relationships.

A tendency toward constantly conjuring up the past is one of the most destructive forces in an intimate relationship as it gets in the way of appreciating the good qualities of one’s spouse and it keeps a couple from looking for solutions.

Conjuring up past upsets is like trying to drive a ship by staring at the wake or the trail that is left behind. Psychologist Dr. Wayne Dyer said that allowing the past to influence the present in a relationship is like uselessly staring at the trail that is left behind instead of concentrating on how to set the sails of the boat or control the rudder.

Because many Filipinos don’t invest time and resources reading spiritually and emotionally uplifting stuff and spend much time on things that cater to instant gratification, many fall into the trap of allowing hinanakit to get in the way of their present relationships.

I think the way Filipinos could get out of this cycle of strong emotionalism would be cutting back on entertainment and cultivating spirituality, spending more time raising their level of consciousness by walking in nature, reading uplifting material and meditating. Relatively few Filipinos are willing to do that.

Dealing with emotional people calls for higher levels of emotional intelligence.

When emotions get intense in a relationship you can either escape from it or take your mixed-relationship to the next level by cultivating emotional and spiritual mastery.

By reading and meditating on uplifting material you can acquire the skills that will allow you to LOOK THROUGH the day-to-day emotion-driven behaviours that your Filipino wife maybe acting out by LOOKING INTO THE REASONS that account for this emotionalism.

By OBSERVING the environment she comes from you can get to develop more empathy, understanding and compassion and manage to SEPARATE WHO YOUR SPOUSE IS AND WHAT THE RELATIONSHIP IS ABOUT from BEHAVIOURS THAT ARE THE PRODUCT OF THE SOCIAL ENVIRONMENT she comes from and that are typical of Filipinos in general and not necessarily a weakness of your spouse.

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