In this blog I’ve been mentioning the toughest challenging aspects of the Filipino culture like Ningas Kugon, Balat Sibuyas, money (mis)management, the kin-group culture and many others
I’ve also mentioned qualities that draw me to Filipinos like the bayanihan spirit, the easygoingness, the ability to smile in the face of typhoons and other tragedies etc.
Which will I dwell upon?
What I have discovered all these years is that the quality of my relationship with a Filipina depends upon what I choose to FOCUS MY THOUGHTS UPON. It does not really depend upon her willingness to adjust to my ways and my mentality.
It has been said that YOU FIND WHAT YOU SEEK.
The famous personal development speaker Robin Sharma, author of “The Leader Who Had No Title” and “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” said: “every second you spend thinking about what you don’t want or you don’t like in your life is a second denying focus and energy from getting what you do want. Every minute you worry about what’s not working is a minute drawn away from creating what will work. And every hour spent reflecting on the disappointments is an hour stolen from seeing the possibilities that your future holds”.
What I’ve discovered in my own marriage is that I see more of what I look for.
By looking for the best in Filipinos, I generally find it. And by looking for the good things in my wife and expressing gratitude for my blessings (rather than thinking about any problems brought about by her Filipino approach to things), I see more of what’s good.
I have realized that the real secret to a great relationship with a Filipina or with anyone else on the planet is training your mind to consistently steer in the direction of what’s great or what could be great in your life because by conditioning your mind to do so you also train it to focus on the positive qualities and the potential in other people.
So, when I mention the challenges of “culture shock” in my posts I simply do so to share information about what to expect in this kind of relationship but how you deal with it is entirely up to you and it depends upon the choices you make about what to focus on.
If dealing with the Filipino culture causes you to moan and regret that you married a Filipina the problem is largely located in your mind.
When you become enlightened it is the mind that becomes enlightened, when you are sad it is the mind that it is sad and by simply changing the way you think you can IMMEDIATELY and QUICKLY TRANSFORM YOUR RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCE.
Norman Vincent Peale called this ability of our mind “The Power of Choice”, he said: “the greatest power we have is the power of choice. It is an actual fact that if you have been moping in unhappiness you can choose to be joyous instead and by effort lift yourself into joy“.
So, although I keep mentioning the various aspects of the Filipino culture that can make the life of a Westerner with a Filipina very challenging I strongly recommend that if you are in a relationship with a Filipina you work harder on your “power of choice” than you work on your study of the Filipino culture because the only thing you can find in your spouse, no matter how deep you dig, is what you look for.