The Importance of Regular Lonely Retreats in an Intimate Relationship

I have abundantly mentioned in my posts how Filipinos tend to be very gregarious and have a strong sense of pakikisama. As the “observer” of the Filipino culture I notice that few Filipinos regularly spend time alone to muse over the deepest stuff of life and I keep repeating that because I believe that this is one of the major factors that account for the high emotional volatility of Filipinos with which you will likely have to deal with if you marry a Filipina.

I’ve written an article about a man I saw meditating alone on a beach in Pangasinan and that scene impressed me because that was probably the only one of that kind I’ve seen in years (https://italpinoy1967.wordpress.com/2018/11/29/the-man-meditating-on-san-fabian-beach-pangasinan/).

For me, I strongly advocate that in order to be effective at relating to other human beings we need intermittent solitude.

I’ve found out that the more I move forward into my relationship the more I crave solitude because the deepest stuff of life, including the emotional strength I need in a challenging relationship like the one with a Filipina can only be found alone.

Basking in a meditative solitude is the stuff that really grounds me and it is the bedrock from which I draw the qualities I need to succeed in dealing with others.

I usually get up very early in the morning to read and write in a journal before I go to work and, because I often work outside Rome, nearby a lake, I spend few moments walking alone by the lake shortly after work or before starting work.

I also go to my house by the sea alone for a few days during the year to do some sort of lonely retreat.

This way I try to develop a psychology that is BIGGER THAN THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF.

It has been said that the secret of being in a thriving relationship is GIVING and the only way you can be a GIVER is when your PURPOSE IN LIFE, YOUR VALUES AND YOUR PSYCHOLOGY ARE MUCH BIGGER THAN THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF.

This way you become EMOTIONALLY INDEPENDENT AND YOU DON’T REALLY NEED A PARTNER TO BE HAPPY.

YOU CAN’T GIVE IN A RELATIONSHIP IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS AN ADDICTIVE “GRASPING AND CLINGING” (as Eckart Tolle puts it).

When a relationship becomes an “addictive grasping and clinging” and you crave constant companionship and you feel very uncomfortable when you are alone then you just don’t have the emotional mastery you need in an intimate relationship, let alone a relationship with a Filipina that calls for an above ordinary ability to deal with massive culture shock.

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