In my posts I keep repeating a concept that, in my experience with my Filipino spouse, has proved to be the real game changer and needle mover.
The concept is that in any intimate relationship, and all the more so in an interracial one, the only way to make the most of it is by developing the ability to consistently shift your focus away from the trials that are part and parcel of culture shock and direct it toward what’s positive or what could be positive about the relationship.
So it really comes down to psychology and mindset.
I initially made the mistake of getting very excited about the Filipino culture and language and delved into it like crazy but, before long, I found myself in a position where the more I knew about the Filipino culture the more I found reasons to be upset by it (particularly about the kin-group culture).
So it became clear that if I really wanted my relationship to thrive I had to shift gears and begin to work on my ability to appreciate what’s positive about this kind of love relationship rather than digging more and more into the history, the language and the culture of the Philippines.
Last September I was alone on a beach in Southern Italy and I shot a little video in Tagalog about this idea. The setting was ideal because in a little corner of the beach there was some litter but the view was amazing so in order to really enjoy my beach experience I had to shift my focus away from the litter and from how uncaring tourists are and direct it toward the beauty of the landscape.
An intimate relationship works exactly in the same way. You need to consistently direct your focus toward what’s positive.
Here is my short (very informal) Tagalog video