Having Children With a Filipina

One of the hallmark characteristics of a healthy relationship is learning how to compromise but no matter how good one is at compromising, in a marriage, and particularly an interracial one, there are issues that just cannot be solved by compromise alone.

Having or not having children is one of those issues that cannot be solved by simple compromise for you either have kids or you don’t and one cannot have half a kid to meet half-way.

I remember watching an episode of the series “90-Day Fiance” where an old American guy got his younger Filipina fiance to sign a paper binding her not to have any kids because he wanted to fully enjoy his “sunset” with a much younger wife without the interference of kids around but she was clearly not happy.

So the way to go is talking things out and making sure of all aspects involved before entering the relationship and making sure that both will be happy instead of imposing one’s viewpoint on the other, let alone getting her to sign a paper (my humble opinion).

I come from a country where couples, especially young ones, often don’t want any children or have one kid at best.

Due to economic stagnation most couples these days think twice before embarking on the adventure of raising kids in a country where the cost of living is too high and even childless families barely make it through the day.

In the Philippines people have plenty of kids regardless of their economical situation (and many later have to move abroad to work leaving their children in the Philippines for years) and even many Filipinos who move to my country make kids before finding a stable job or even before they qualify for a legal permit to stay in the country.

So a Western man who comes from a country like mine, where people weigh things very carefully before having kids, may find himself arguing with his Filipina who might want more than one kid and might be under the pressure of the extended family that expects her to have many kids.

One of the very first questions I get asked when I talk to Filipinos in Tagalog, and I say that the reason why I speak Tagalog is because my wife is Filipino, is “May anak ba kayo?” (“Do you have any kids?”) or sometimes they even bypass that question and directly ask “ilan ang mga anak ninyo?” (How many kids do you have?) and this question clearly shows that the anak culture is deeply embedded in the Pinoy culture.

Before I entered my relationship, I made extra sure that she understood what it is like to raise many kids in my country and only after I made sure beyond any reasonable doubt that we had the same mind on the matter did I go further in the relationship.

We limited ourselves to one boy only and we resolved not to have any other children, we went for a dog instead.

While raising a child is one of the most fulfilling experiences one can have, making kids without having the means to support them is a problem.

Life in Italy is tough as renting an apartment may cost 650 to 1000 euros a month, gasoline is 1,60 per liter, my car insurance is 800-900 euros per year (and we need two cars), each time I take my car to the garage I spend no less than 300-400 euros and so having many kids who need more than just food and shelter but rather the latest smart phone and many other gadgets would be impossible (as wages rarely exceed 1,200€ a month).

So, before committing to a relationship with a Filipina just remember that it is highly likely that the “may anak ba kayo?” mentality may have rubbed off on her and she might want to have more than one kid regardless of whether life is easy or the economy is stagnating.

If you come from a country like mine where having kids is extremely difficult and many couples go about having kids very carefully, you’d better weigh this cultural difference very well.

See also:

https://buildingfilipinowesternbridges.wordpress.com/2019/05/01/an-interesting-perspective-on-the-folly-of-separating-from-the-family-to-work-abroad/

https://buildingfilipinowesternbridges.wordpress.com/2019/01/10/freddie-aguilars-song-anak-and-its-relationship-to-child-rearing-while-working-abroad/

4 thoughts on “Having Children With a Filipina

    1. Having kids is a source of great joy and also an opportunity to grow as a man by developing communication skills, empathy and other vital emotional qualities. It is very frustrating that these days here in the Western world, especially where jobs are hard to come by and the cost of living is too high one has to think twice before having kids

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      1. Germans should stop worrying and have more kids because the immigrants are having tons and being supported by the government… in the end, germans are working to support the immigrants’ children instead of their own kids..

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That is also true and is happening here as well. It is just that people in Germany have higher salaries than here, gasoline is cheaper, autobahn is free and social welfare is way better. Germany is a much better environment to raise kids

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