As I’ve said a few times, my relationship with a Filipina hasn’t been easy. After the initial euphoria had passed, culture-shock hit me hard and I found myself struggling with the kin-group culture of my spouse’s family and the bahala-na or carpe diem attitude toward health, finances and other important areas of life that Filipinos display.
Eventually I managed to turn my reactions around and consequently my relationship started to soar.
I would be a liar if I said that I have completely mastered this kind of relationship. No one really gets to master relationships because a relationship is a work in progress, the minute you stop growing it slides back.
Therefore, if I claimed that I have mastered it and that I know everything about how to deal with a Filipina I would be deluding myself and that attitude would cause me to become complacent.
Nevertheless I can safely say that, by tapping into the right sources of information, I have reached crazy heights of bliss and happiness.
A point that I would like to share today is what Dr. Wayne Dyer said about what a soulmate really is, because I used to think that a soulmate is the one who gives you a smooth relationship where everything flows beautifully but, of course, this is not how it works and all the more so in a mixed-relationship.
What Dr. Dyer said is that, far from being one who makes your life easier, a soulmate is one who pushes your buttons and sends you into a frenzy. And, of course, this description perfectly fits a Filipino spouse.
Why is this the case? Well, it is because only a person who pushes your buttons can make you aware of your emotional patterns, your reactions, your communication skills, your degree of empathy, of flexibility, of willingness to step out of your emotional and cultural comfort-zone and step into uncharted waters.
In other words, a relationship with a woman who sends you into a frenzy (as Filipinas do every single day almost on a hourly basis) forces you into parting with the little and petty you who wants to defend his little turf from being encroached upon and forces you to broaden your perspectives. Also it forces you into mastering the way you react to challenging situations (such as for example when both your Filipina and her extended family become emotionally charged, which tends to happen pretty often).
When you find yourself in the middle of the storm you find yourself in a position where you have to make a choice: stay with the familiar and run the risk of either losing your relationship, or having to settle for a mediocre one at best, or accept the challenge to stretch your ability to show up as the higher version of yourself and get to crazy heights of compassion, unconditional love, empathy and all that sort of stuff that can massively grow your interracial relationship.
Cultural diversity will definitely send you into a frenzy, that is guaranteed. How you react to it will make all the difference.